Wits End

Within a line of sight you can smell that something is wrong. The sixth sense is a wonderful tool to have. But when it has been ripped from your core and trained to be like a paranoid mastermind of all things around you. You soon begin to lose sight of reality, even if reality is what your attempting to clutch on to.

Wherever we go, there is never enough thought taken in, if I do A what will be the reaction by B. By watching by witnessing ever move, every sound, every thought, by understanding the physical and psychological aspects of human life you can soon tell a lot about people and begin to understand their personalities without actually having to ask many questions of them.

Therefore with your sixth sense, you may know some one is following you or someone has been watching you and you need to think about what to do to avoid this from carrying on.

When they knock on your door, and they know way too much information about you before you even say a word, they know your identity, name, DOB, addresses, financial aspects, education background, where you shop, what you like to shop for, your most interesting parts of life, your past and current welfare, hospital and doctors details, social activities, friends, hours you work and transport yourself between home and work...you soon begin to wonder what is left that they do not know and why have they knocked on your front- especially as they know everything else about you.

At this point in time, it's too late unless your lucky- but you must casually disappear, close up, move and become completely separate from the the norms of life. Where you fit in as the average person well that you have restarted your life. This unfortunately is easier said than done.

When your at wits end and life is slowly crumbling around you, when no one knows your world is crumbling and you are all alone, you soon find reasons to pull the plug and forget reality. In fact reality forgets you- it somewhat happens to workaholics too. They get so absorbed in what they are doing they can no longer function as a human being.

When you're at your wits end, no one realises until it's too late and all you hope for is someone to realise and just provide a little comfort when the world finally topples over and no more can be done to save your self from the destruction of outside forces. When you realise that what you have been doing for so many years stops making sense and is just the only reason to get up the next day (it's not much of a reason to get up) the time has come to attempt some sort of self fixing; alas little works.

It's time to restart, it's time to find a goals, it's a chance to make a fresh go of things.

There's just one thing, you always carry lots of baggage to the next place, however hard you try to remove your past, it has a habit of turning up right in front of a place you don't want it to. But then again, maybe it helps make the new world realise why your so dam isolating and not able to provide any information before the day you arrived in your new world.

Found your wits end yet? Welcome to the undeniable truth of reality, everybody us hiding something and no one dares say what it is. When it's finally found out your expected to answer all the questions.

So answer that door and let them in because they know everything about you already, and that's what you hate so much, your stuck with the past. And you can't make it go away.

The Hotel Music

"Sir can I help you?"
"Ooh yes, I like to check in please."
"Certainly, they're the automated check in machines, As long as you have your debit card you ordered the room on all will be fine."
"Thank you."

-
"Single or Double?"
"Double would be good", I can stretch out properly then, any chance of some food?
-

They were the two big no no's I made that evening, asking for a double bed when it was just me. Whilst I really wanted to stretch out and abuse the privilege's of the hotel, I lay this evening on my bed thinking about the past two and a half hours I'd had in the dinner room. The waitresses were absolutely excellent service- and service I wish I could be to them too. Unfortunately, I still lay here on my double bed wishing one of them to come up and knock on the door and leisurely stroll in and cuddle up to me tonight.

That's the worse thing about double bed's they make you lonely. There's no one for company except yourself and the TV, no wonder people get morosely drunk in the bar. The other option was to have an even worse night on a single bed, where I'd probably find my feet dangling out the far end and not get any sleep at all.

I lay pondering about all the things which had happened, it was not helped by music at all. Ah yes, that soothing music, which as the night went on started reminding me of things from the past. The music from the past started creeping into my head and I started playing musical jokes between what I could remember and what I was hearing.

Somethings should never be done, oh how I wish the waitress knew, she was cheeky and yet very proper about everything, young and feisty. The dark Albany red hair clipped back in a short bun with the rest flopping over into a pony tail. She kept passing me, we kept making eye contact and trying to to each other from doing it again and again. Such a tease all evening. She enjoyed it, I certainly did too, oh I wish she'd knock on the door.

But then the music changed and the atmosphere in the room changed I started hearing different patterns, music for the night, music for the people who had someone to cling on to. It really wasn't my scene to be. To me the music seemed to be ever more sad. I suppose when you have someone to hold on to it's pleasant, it keeps you in the mood.

I left and managed to chat to the waitress, she was adorable, unless she had a thing for being extra friendly to all customers she was certainly attempting to be a little more than the waitress this evening. I said good night to her and vanished to my room.

On my way up I could hear the music fading, all I could hear was my music collection stuck in my head. Swiftly changing from The Police "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" to "The Bed's Too Big Without You" as I opened the door and realised I had a lonely night ahead.

I laid on top of the bed for a while and decided to have a hot bath, and pray she would appear in the meantime- so that I could climb into a not so lonely bed afterwords. My mind was racing for some other music but all it would find was sad music. Except for U2 Mysterious Ways, I started dreaming of a good night with BodyRockers "I Like The Way You Move", oh god, that's utter cheese she'd run out the door instantly to that probably. Alright back to The Police "Spirits of The Material World"- no. Oh what then.

I found so much music so sad.
Vertical Horizon: Foot Prints In the Snow, not to be played when walking through the deepest snow fall in Britain's recent history before you get stuck.
Sting: Ten Summoner's Tale's, no that's not particular happy, particularly Shape of My Heart".
U2: "Tomorrow"? That's not too sad but then U2 did make those other tracks, "City Of Blinding Lights" and "Love Is Blindness". That will take your soul slowly.
Pink Floyd: seems alright most of the time but then The Division Bell Album, definitely sent to make you reflect on your past not just what they sing about. At least it ends happy with "High Hopes" although you spend your time rebuilding yourself after listening. Probably not a good idea to listen to "The Final Cut" Album particularly the track. Through darkened shadows, cold war melodic key's and worrying times. Have you seen the Video!? They just add to the trauma. Where do I start with The Wall, so much pain and anguish at different times.

Oh where is that waitress, I wish..."Paranoid Eyes"- oh no that wouldn't do.

The Korgis, would they do? Some if it's nice, but so much again, "Living On The Rocks" that would turn the atmosphere off like putting fire in water. I doubt I could play "Dumb Waiters" for her, "Young n' Russian" might give the wrong impression, oh eye "Sticky George" well if it must be...

I got out of the bath, dried myself, thinking of Robbie Williams, Many a happy tune in there, but again if your already sad it's a bit hard to warm up with: "Feel". Nothing particularly party to push you along, it's like good driving music is needed: Anastacia "Seasons Change", dance and potential push to make the heart happy again. You certainly wouldn't get much from Tears For Fears, what about Queen: a good mix, but have to be careful with the choice, no point going with "BreakThru" or "Under Pressure"...Tina Turner "Simply The Best", Moby "Lift Me Up" or "Bond"

I finished drying myself off got into bed, went to turn the light out and found a small card...was this what I'd been hoping for, had she come in and left a note...it was a message, hand written

"Turn the light out and wait for me"

so I did.

The night went very well indeed.