Dreams

I was first asked to talk about dreams just over a week ago, so I set to amongst the workload in finding out about dreams, "little did I know that" (Stranger Than Fiction, 2006) the whole week was going to be one full swing of a dream gone from good to bad and back.

Dreams are frequently forgotten, many people do not even remember having them. I for one don't dream, I only have nightmares. This is somewhat handy for keeping the nights short. Alas, dreaming gives the subconscious time to unravel itself whilst your concious and your body gets some time to re-cooperate from the previous day. Sleep by nature is a necessary part of life. However, once you are asleep many changes happen.

Dreams can be taken in many forms. Literal dreams of when were sleeping as said, dreams of what we would like to do e.g. as in "That would be a dream come true". This phrase comes close to the next form: a wish.

Dreams mean different things, these are all dependent on colours, the environment your in, what's going on in your dream and what you can see. Some believe it can help provide a que for what your subconscious thinks you should be doing in life. They can almost be useful for getting to know yourself more. There is a lot of information out in the wide world to help you understand your dreams.

So may I say make sure you have a good nights sleep, and dream away.

Look at this Place!

An economy crumbling, an environment that politicians say they care about but they always backout at the last moment infuriating the environmentally friendly community.

They say society is hierachial, is it so hierachial no one cares anymore?
If you do care, do you find everyone around you doesn't care?
Reasons to just crawl into a small box and forget the outside world exists.
Especially when no one appears to pay attention.

It starts to make things sound like George Orwell's Animal Farm, PIGS!
"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others."

Here are two thoughts to go investigate:

When doing nothing is an option: by Clive James
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8395780.stm

Thinking Allowed, or should that be Thinking Aloud?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qy05

Who or what is driving this place in to such a devoid and horrible meaningless place?
Hope after all is a bad thing, or is it? Go see The Shawshank Redemption

Pink Floyd: One Of My Turns

"Oh my God! What a fabulous room! Are all these your guitars?
[Film in background: "I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to startle you!]
"This place is bigger than our apartment!
[Film: "Let me know when you're entering a room"
"Yes sir!"]
"erm, Can I get a drink of water?
[Film: "I was wondering about ..."]
"You want some, huh?"
[Film: "Yes"]
"Oh wow, look at this tub? Do you wanna take a baaaath?"
[Film: "I'll have to find out from Mrs. Bancroft what time she wants to meet us, for her main ..."]
"What are watching?"
[Film: "If you'll just let me know as soon as you can ... Mrs Bancroft" "Mrs Bancroft ..."]
"Hello?"
[Film: "I don't understand ..."]
"Are you feeling okay?..."

Thoughts are misleading

I'm struggling to decipher what is meant by 'the world. Wherever I look I see so many different facts of life, and yet everyone seems to be searching for one thing to have in common. Is everyone at a loss?

I recently was told that I should accept depression exists. However, I have found that now I accept it exists I can't be happy. If I can't be happy who will be happy with me? In a recent experiment carried out (cannot remember who did it, sorry, search the news and radio 4 programmes) they found people belonged to lonely circles. This suggests that if you feel lonely, your loneliness is passed on to the people you live and work with. Although, work has special criteria of its own. This basically means that what you feel your closest of friends and family also feel.

I can even relate this to geography. In Human Geography there is a theory of Nearest Neighbour Index, in which people will only travel so far for shopping. Which is all dependent on the type of thing your shopping for, but anyway...

If you go around with a happy face on then you see happy people, if you feel lonely your loneliness spreads amongst the people you see. Many people say we are losing touch with our neighbours, maybe its time we actually stopped for a minute and sat down for a drink with them...we are all human, unfortunately not every person is nice, which is why lots of people hide or ignore what's going on. We are too scared to stand out from the crowd and make a mark.

What's worse, if you do stand out from the crowd, you are instantly put in the spot light and given a certain reputation. You become the odd one out, the socially inept..is this all because we have tried to hard?

There is no winning with keeping everyone happy. How many people do you ask in your day "How are you?" How many don't reply and avoid the topic altogether like you were not there? How many people just say yes there fine and inside they're screaming for some care and attention? Are we all just fake, are we all just no longer caring about other people?

We can't explain all our feelings all the time: 1. psychiatrists would be out of a job, 2. everyone would moan all the time, plus moaning makes others not want to talk to you. But then who are the people who stand tall look like there leading the way and then at the end of the day, collapse into misery because they feel they haven't done enough. Meanwhile others look more and more at you like your insane or can't hold your life together if you do moan. It's like a CV. You must please everyone just right to keep going. Why should this be the case? Is it just politeness?

All that is required is for one person just to make the day seem better. But that can be harder said than done. The potential is there to hurt more than heal and finding the balance is tough.

This I find this all hypocritical, because at the end of the day, everyone needs something to make them feel part of the community. If you're left out or feel forgotten, you end up being left out and forgotten- and this is apparently the policy these days.

Everyone is individual, take them for who they are don't make them feel like the odd one out because of who they are. Accept them for who they are. Humans are bad with labelling. Politeness maybe a key thing, but are we all just in the doldrums or are we all having a happy time.

I keep happy by working with people and enjoying the good times with them, however I know these times seem to be getting slimmer, especially when we have to move away from our core groups. So lets smile, and revitalise ourselves and make a new better place. Alas, I've done this and all too frequently knocked back, I bounce on the outside, but on the inside there is nothing left. Just the shell of a human being. Being criticised about everything from family, friends and work colleagues about how you do things ultimately leaves a human being stripped of their soul. How am I supposed to behave if everyday I'm told to change and it never is better.

The Gestalt Prayer - Fritz Pearls 1893-1970.
I do my thing,
and you do your thing.
I am not in this world
to live up to your expectations.
And you are you not in this world
to live up to mine.

You are you and I and I
and if by chance
we find each other, it's beautiful,
If not, it can't be helped.

----
I have pointed to this CD before recently but it will help sooth the mind, check the translations if you don't read Latin, Welsh or Japanese.
Karl Jenkins - Requiem.

A New Story is Coming soon...

Summary

From meeting a true 80s man in a night club, to having a drink with four career hitmen. One man tries to hold his life together and duels against sins he never thought could happen, let alone again. Being reinitiated into a darkened secret society it's one thing knowing the enemy and staying out on the edge just that little longer, its another when you come face to face with them.

Trying to define the line between reality...what is fact and fiction in this game is too hard to distinguish... but one rule applies, never look back. History will catch you in the act. If not, they will.

Listen and you may be outstounded

In finding out about the George Smiley Serial that has been running on Radio 4 over the year, the level of detail and authenticity appears to be quite realistic. This could be very much because as listeners, all we are doing is listening. Our mind has to visualise the whole scene. For those who can remember that far back into the late 1950s to the 1970s, the atmosphere must be even more vivid. For those that find they were only born after this serial’s time frame, the completely different interpretation must exist.

Finding that the imagination enforces the time period on historical facts known, the only way the younger generation are going to be the closest to the realism is by either experiencing the past in some format or having very accounts of what went on. For many people to imagine the past will be based on what they have been shown and seen, much of which will be through fictional TV programs and books. Thus the realism will be very different for those who have experienced the past, those who know accurate accounts of the past and those who know very little about the past.

The George Smiley series has been very eventful, only being able to listen to the more recent ones, the urge to go back and get the earlier additions in the series is quite strong. However, how different are the radio adaptations to the books?

Many of these sorts of things are very interesting to listen to, and this solves the problem of having way too much to read, as listening can be done whilst doing something else. Now full enjoyment of listening to something must be done without interference really, and the level of detail provided within many of the book adaptations require more concentration sometimes. Hidden details are put in the background which the ear mistakes for just background and actually it is part of the keys story. For example, this is very much the case when the short collection of 'Weird Tales' were broadcast last year. Episode four, The Fly, adapted from the H.P. Lovecraft stories, was very influential in the background information used. The main characters mother forever watching the TV, which is in the background has the news on, the News reporter is telling a key fact to the story, but the News reporter is slightly obscured by what’s is actually going on in the room at the time.

Many a way of enjoying our world is almost forgotten through lack of concentration on the fact we believe we are listening to, but instead all we are doing is hearing, as the old phrase suggests: We may be hearing but we are not listening.

For those who are musicians, the ear is trained to pick up on the slightest of details, now whilst the public who are keen music listeners may notice many factors within music, musicians should in theory be picking up on a wider aspect, not just the music is getting louder or the brass section is coming back in, but the musician should be noticing what parts are putting in the different levels of effort, knowing which sections of the orchestra or band is playing the higher pitched parts or the underlying notes which give the music a little extra edge. Naming the instruments, counting the speed, timing your own part, understanding how the conductor wants the music to be portrayed, what the story is within the music, which member of the orchestra is struggling and needs a little extra hand, and which one is playing the solo but trying to keep there nerve.

Lots of things go on around us that we do not know about. By listening and not just hearing, by seeing and not just looking our experience of the world would be very different. Trying to understand so many factors is very hard, and with the amount of stress that surrounds our everyday lives so frequently, no wonder things are missed. How does the human population manage to get from one day to the next without it all falling apart you might ask... well quite frankly we don’t. As a species we might appear highly organised and have brilliant methodologies and plans, but all too frequently they are written off and new ones are made off the cuff because something on the day changes the way your plan was meant to be. Therefore, the best are those who are able to adapt to the current situation one might argue, however, as a singular person, are they really able to gauge all the information required and act upon it.

In today’s world, time appears to be moving increasingly faster, however, I would like to ask many of you the question, is it not just moving slower and more people are doing the same task to get it done quicker? The PC is said to be a very important part of life these days, nearly everyone will need to use one during the day at some point, and many use them all day. PC’s are said to be getting better, faster and more user friendly, however, ask yourself this, is your PC just feeling like it is slower, and getting slower everyday? It’s as if the world is now moving too fast for your PC to get the tasks done that you are telling it. Maybe the PC is actually causing the world to slow down as we all drive to get things done quicker, the PC is the one thing holding everything up, PC’s can only go so fast. Humans can phone ahead and as a team, the human species can get things done much faster but having multiple people on the same task than when alone.

There are however many a problem with this too, because really when it comes down to it, who would really like to be enjoying themselves somewhere else away from work? The cultural issues and work ethics in today’s society seem so upside down. Boss demand stuff and underlings just get on like robots, has society lost its identity?

Its time we all paid a little more attention to our environment, to our neighbours and to our friends and family because really we are all alone trying to just get these little tasks done and struggling to time manage. We should all be coming together and working for a greater good, but exactly what is the greater good? Everybody’s view of this will be different. All I know is if we don’t do something to at least get everybody thinking in the same direction there will be nothing for the future. What has happened to this world?

So many factors involved:

Environmental issues
Economic issues
Crimes
Food Crisis
Religious issues
Health

Are any of these more important than the others? Answer, no. If we went back to the way we were 500 years ago, maybe we wouldn’t have half of these problems. We need to make them all work together. Everyone is a barbarian at the end of the day. The human race, the destroyer of worlds.

Wits End

Within a line of sight you can smell that something is wrong. The sixth sense is a wonderful tool to have. But when it has been ripped from your core and trained to be like a paranoid mastermind of all things around you. You soon begin to lose sight of reality, even if reality is what your attempting to clutch on to.

Wherever we go, there is never enough thought taken in, if I do A what will be the reaction by B. By watching by witnessing ever move, every sound, every thought, by understanding the physical and psychological aspects of human life you can soon tell a lot about people and begin to understand their personalities without actually having to ask many questions of them.

Therefore with your sixth sense, you may know some one is following you or someone has been watching you and you need to think about what to do to avoid this from carrying on.

When they knock on your door, and they know way too much information about you before you even say a word, they know your identity, name, DOB, addresses, financial aspects, education background, where you shop, what you like to shop for, your most interesting parts of life, your past and current welfare, hospital and doctors details, social activities, friends, hours you work and transport yourself between home and work...you soon begin to wonder what is left that they do not know and why have they knocked on your front- especially as they know everything else about you.

At this point in time, it's too late unless your lucky- but you must casually disappear, close up, move and become completely separate from the the norms of life. Where you fit in as the average person well that you have restarted your life. This unfortunately is easier said than done.

When your at wits end and life is slowly crumbling around you, when no one knows your world is crumbling and you are all alone, you soon find reasons to pull the plug and forget reality. In fact reality forgets you- it somewhat happens to workaholics too. They get so absorbed in what they are doing they can no longer function as a human being.

When you're at your wits end, no one realises until it's too late and all you hope for is someone to realise and just provide a little comfort when the world finally topples over and no more can be done to save your self from the destruction of outside forces. When you realise that what you have been doing for so many years stops making sense and is just the only reason to get up the next day (it's not much of a reason to get up) the time has come to attempt some sort of self fixing; alas little works.

It's time to restart, it's time to find a goals, it's a chance to make a fresh go of things.

There's just one thing, you always carry lots of baggage to the next place, however hard you try to remove your past, it has a habit of turning up right in front of a place you don't want it to. But then again, maybe it helps make the new world realise why your so dam isolating and not able to provide any information before the day you arrived in your new world.

Found your wits end yet? Welcome to the undeniable truth of reality, everybody us hiding something and no one dares say what it is. When it's finally found out your expected to answer all the questions.

So answer that door and let them in because they know everything about you already, and that's what you hate so much, your stuck with the past. And you can't make it go away.

The Hotel Music

"Sir can I help you?"
"Ooh yes, I like to check in please."
"Certainly, they're the automated check in machines, As long as you have your debit card you ordered the room on all will be fine."
"Thank you."

-
"Single or Double?"
"Double would be good", I can stretch out properly then, any chance of some food?
-

They were the two big no no's I made that evening, asking for a double bed when it was just me. Whilst I really wanted to stretch out and abuse the privilege's of the hotel, I lay this evening on my bed thinking about the past two and a half hours I'd had in the dinner room. The waitresses were absolutely excellent service- and service I wish I could be to them too. Unfortunately, I still lay here on my double bed wishing one of them to come up and knock on the door and leisurely stroll in and cuddle up to me tonight.

That's the worse thing about double bed's they make you lonely. There's no one for company except yourself and the TV, no wonder people get morosely drunk in the bar. The other option was to have an even worse night on a single bed, where I'd probably find my feet dangling out the far end and not get any sleep at all.

I lay pondering about all the things which had happened, it was not helped by music at all. Ah yes, that soothing music, which as the night went on started reminding me of things from the past. The music from the past started creeping into my head and I started playing musical jokes between what I could remember and what I was hearing.

Somethings should never be done, oh how I wish the waitress knew, she was cheeky and yet very proper about everything, young and feisty. The dark Albany red hair clipped back in a short bun with the rest flopping over into a pony tail. She kept passing me, we kept making eye contact and trying to to each other from doing it again and again. Such a tease all evening. She enjoyed it, I certainly did too, oh I wish she'd knock on the door.

But then the music changed and the atmosphere in the room changed I started hearing different patterns, music for the night, music for the people who had someone to cling on to. It really wasn't my scene to be. To me the music seemed to be ever more sad. I suppose when you have someone to hold on to it's pleasant, it keeps you in the mood.

I left and managed to chat to the waitress, she was adorable, unless she had a thing for being extra friendly to all customers she was certainly attempting to be a little more than the waitress this evening. I said good night to her and vanished to my room.

On my way up I could hear the music fading, all I could hear was my music collection stuck in my head. Swiftly changing from The Police "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" to "The Bed's Too Big Without You" as I opened the door and realised I had a lonely night ahead.

I laid on top of the bed for a while and decided to have a hot bath, and pray she would appear in the meantime- so that I could climb into a not so lonely bed afterwords. My mind was racing for some other music but all it would find was sad music. Except for U2 Mysterious Ways, I started dreaming of a good night with BodyRockers "I Like The Way You Move", oh god, that's utter cheese she'd run out the door instantly to that probably. Alright back to The Police "Spirits of The Material World"- no. Oh what then.

I found so much music so sad.
Vertical Horizon: Foot Prints In the Snow, not to be played when walking through the deepest snow fall in Britain's recent history before you get stuck.
Sting: Ten Summoner's Tale's, no that's not particular happy, particularly Shape of My Heart".
U2: "Tomorrow"? That's not too sad but then U2 did make those other tracks, "City Of Blinding Lights" and "Love Is Blindness". That will take your soul slowly.
Pink Floyd: seems alright most of the time but then The Division Bell Album, definitely sent to make you reflect on your past not just what they sing about. At least it ends happy with "High Hopes" although you spend your time rebuilding yourself after listening. Probably not a good idea to listen to "The Final Cut" Album particularly the track. Through darkened shadows, cold war melodic key's and worrying times. Have you seen the Video!? They just add to the trauma. Where do I start with The Wall, so much pain and anguish at different times.

Oh where is that waitress, I wish..."Paranoid Eyes"- oh no that wouldn't do.

The Korgis, would they do? Some if it's nice, but so much again, "Living On The Rocks" that would turn the atmosphere off like putting fire in water. I doubt I could play "Dumb Waiters" for her, "Young n' Russian" might give the wrong impression, oh eye "Sticky George" well if it must be...

I got out of the bath, dried myself, thinking of Robbie Williams, Many a happy tune in there, but again if your already sad it's a bit hard to warm up with: "Feel". Nothing particularly party to push you along, it's like good driving music is needed: Anastacia "Seasons Change", dance and potential push to make the heart happy again. You certainly wouldn't get much from Tears For Fears, what about Queen: a good mix, but have to be careful with the choice, no point going with "BreakThru" or "Under Pressure"...Tina Turner "Simply The Best", Moby "Lift Me Up" or "Bond"

I finished drying myself off got into bed, went to turn the light out and found a small card...was this what I'd been hoping for, had she come in and left a note...it was a message, hand written

"Turn the light out and wait for me"

so I did.

The night went very well indeed.