Isn't it just a wonderful day today. The winter is half way through, it's the weekend. The sun is shining. Everything is just spit spot, perfect and oh so la de daah.
Does anyone ever think how fraudulently they are with the truth of their own feelings towards others? When asked How are you? You're expected in many an office environment to say something that makes you sound good and capable. If you suggest otherwise not only do people not want to know that you are under the weather but also it's too much personal information for a work environment - or is it?
So, how are you?
I'm good,
I'm great,
Just fine,
excellent.
I mean if someone you asked replied, excellent, would you notice the undercurrent of hidden truth. On the surface smiles all around, life is just what it should be, but actually at a deeper level you know a lot is at stake, you worry about what is coming next and how to organise your next plan or project and stiffly profess to have everything under control. (I'm sure some do have it under control) how many people then go home and work every single hour to find the result they need to show how hard they've worked in "the same number of hours" as all the other colleagues.
This will in time take it's toll on the personality, drive them harder at first, before relinquishing the reigns and realising that actually it's not happening as planned and something is definitely wrong. This can for some be a sign of depression because those who work so hard to perfect an item try to fix there "mistakes" which are actually really good and so begin the downward spiral where you're lying to yourself about it and then the negative thoughts take hold.
In the meantime, as you tell people everything is just fine three things happen.
1, You are secluding yourself from you work colleagues because you have lied to them about your well being.
2, Potentially damaging your work in view of others because your colleagues expect such high standards and don't notice that your actually hurting inside. Everything after all is just fine. Even if it's a personal thing. If you went to work having been told of a family death. Would you be willing to put on the brave face and say I'm good, oh by the way I need Wednesday off for a funeral. Or would you not tell anyone why you've got the day off. (That would sound a bit weird wouldn't it, I'm fine, but I have a funeral. )
In turn secluding yourself from your colleagues.
3, People begin to realise that your just a face and don't show anything. You have no feelings or care, maybe you're an outright liar and should not be trusted, maybe you just enjoy playing the business politics and try to hide, when in fact you have just shown your cards - your trying to hide the actual answer. To stand there and be asked how are you and reply with a I'm good. Or:
How was your weekend?
Yeah, it was fine. But not mention of what you did. Did you sound like you meant it?
Yes, it was good, I think. Huh? what does that mean.
Yeeaah, it was alright. Not completely confident you had a good time or a bad time, trying to forget it existed, trying to dodge the conversation, trying to keep the personal away from the professional, trying to show it was good as can be (after all it is Monday morning and no once wants to be back at work so it sounds worse than is!)
Of course, if you turn up and say. No it wasn't good. Everyone listens and then doesn't want to know because its a professional environment, it's not a counselling service and you then recognise that some people will still stay clear of you for your the moaner in the office, or the one without a happy face.
What is so hard with being truthful about yourself, after all the business needs to know how your mindset may affect the business outcome of the day. If you're not good enough they'll make you do something else because you're not on form. And that's the crux of it, you need to show the face value to keep in the lead, one ahead of everyone else. When actually, everyone is in the same boat. The fake environment, the political gambit of using words to make things sound better than they are, to suggest the outcome without directly saying it, makes it all smell of rotten eggs.
No one actually likes it but we all play along. In the end those who really know how to play are never caught and those who are find new ground. Those who know how to play along may not even recognise they are because they line everything with enough information to sound innocent of it all and keep out of the this personal/professional nightmare by bringing you in without your knowing.
But then there are those who don't play and don't get dragged in and remain innocent and confident of it all, they are the ones you can trust because you know what they say means something. They don't have to play along because actually to these kind innocent people everyone else appears to be trying to get one over someone else whilst standing their ground in suttle forms of bullying.
By dodging this they don't need to get involved and leap ahead with their own way because they won't be dragged through this ridiculous thing everyone else plays and pays attention to. However, the final hurdle is when they have to meet people who play this silly front, can they take the strain or still remain above board, is this fake happiness and the conversations where you're reading between the lines be removed so that the real work can begin. Or is this this kind of atmosphere so acceptable that it should be listed as a skill and those who do not have it are seen as weak. How do you play your colleague at their own game? Do you accept this lie you're told or do you just not ask because it's easier not to ask. After all, everything is just fine in the end, whatever happens?
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