Ever feel you're being stared at

Having a bad moment?
Yeah so am I, sometimes it is easier to not write.
Hence lack of writing, something says exhaustion is to blame.

So much has happened in the last two-three weeks but I cannot for the life of me work out what has happened or how to unravel it all.

Is this a bad sign or what!

In the meantime a friend showed me this funny clip of the Voca People from planet Voca 'from somewhere behind the sun'. Also something else light hearted for the mind when understrain, I saw this on the Cinema which was even more powerful in that cinematic way: Cats with Opposing Thumbs.

Is it the heat, the rain or just the lack of sleep. I'm gone mad, totally mad.

We're travelling too fast, I need to slow down and yet I know I have to work harder, longer and faster or I may lose everything.

"Gee's how did you get there so quick!"

"What what, I'd like my breakfast too".

You see, friend for life.

The Unknown Factor of Life and ...

Do you hear the Ringing?

Cartoon Stock

A sure sign of Tinitus self misdiagnosis, but then its double entendre has to be time is nearing the end.
Going back to a an article about an Angel in the sky...I've begun to hear the music playing. Someone else has taken the Conductor's Wand and with a more powerful voice begun writing new music inside my head.

I suspect the concoction of pain killers and hayfever tablets with the weather changes has something to do with this. If it isn't it's more likely to do with the fact I found out about the Voca People from the Planet Voca, my that's an extra-ordinary musical performance from a highly original 'band'.

The question is do you hear the ringing? Well, connected with the Angels yet another addition I have found of Angels. And to the story too, the losing of ones soul:

Mist (Nebel) Orchestrations.

When in time we are ready to leave, the plug is pulled. Everyday, the wheels turn, the motors squeezed a little further, someone old and new comes past and yet no one wants to stop by.

I fear I have lost me

"Somewhere out there the real me exists, but this pretence I currently hold, is just an exaggeration of one scope. My softer suttleties are bruised and whatever I do are not repairing, everytime one step forwards, two steps back. I could be shouting from the skies and still be drowned out."

I smell the Division Bell coming, I see the awkward faces, I hear the unsaid thoughts. I am no longer meant to be, the struggle, the downfall, the end is here. Three months tops, it turns out no one is willing to provide a genuine warmth, all I see is cold breaths and murky scars even the genuine ones of olde have abandoned.* It's time to sail this ship one last time.

Foreclosure does not exist in humanity only as a commodity, I am not a commodity and therefore the end.

Why is all I have left to ask, why do I have to abandon ship.

The Tree of Life

*When accidental contact of people you knew from another life time occurs what is the appropriate thing to do? It turns out on this occasion, all that's happened is a direct line of interrogation. Once accompllished, you are forgotten. The aim: to prove they're better than you and throw you back in the heap and this from a lady of the church.

Contingencies

Chile

Contingent according to the wonders of online dictionaries has an adjective directly to the weather. As in Our Plans are contingent on the weather. It also holds characterisitcs to liable, chance and accidental.

Within the world of business, contingencies are made incase something goes wrong, it is said to be the step undertaken before you go into crisis management. What wonderful phrases businesses come up with. More nonsense when in actual fact what it comes down to is planning, yes in plain old english, this is planning and organisation.

Contingent by Right

I have noticed that the weather has been a little off beat for 2011 and so lots of contingencies have been happening.

From March Winds in May to April Showers in June this weather holds a grip over something we cannot escape.

The crops lack growth, so much for now...what about the winter?
The rivers are flowing, yet the ground is bone dry in places.
There's vegetables with a poison floating around Europe.
Yet no one's contigency has yet found the source.
In fact contingency went to crisis planning.

Farmer's have had it rough, gardens are borderline, recording code blue.
The contingent, the plan is not to stand and scream, but get on with it.
Those who talk cannot do it, those who can deal with it, get on with it.
When we want to plan our days and it is wet, we put on a water proof and carry on.

Whilst we may complain about the rain, the places we go to take on a whole new attitude and life of there own. Every little hint of conversation and weather, plays a part in how we feel that day. That's why I must go out and have some fun whilst it is wet. Or the photos will never produce, the jobs will never be done and then you might ask, after all that sunshine, are we just going to sit inside and look out the window waiting for the break in the cloud? No, there's more to be done than sit and wait with these intermittent showers.

Crisis -> Contingent-> Planning-> Organisation-> Time Management->

Happy Completed Tasks.

For Writer's Island #23: Contingent

Ah there's never a good time but now is the time

You know, there's never a good time, ja, it is rarely a good time to actually do this stuff. But looking too deeply into the past has a way of springing life back into the old horse. And when your down, there's only one thing to do, look back, reassess and push harder, because what doesn't break you makes you stronger- well that's the line anyway. For every -ve there is a +ve to balance it. That's how I've bent these photos, to calculate the positive and the negative. It's about finding a good balance to produce the desired effect.

One way or another we'll catch it if not by hook then by crook. And then we'll serve it with fish, as there are no wildboar.

Here's a series of photos, I want you to study them, find your way through time. Once they're on paper they'll age even faster, but remain immortal.





And so we must keep on going. Down this road, wherever it goes. And do you know what's best about this road, you might not recognise it but you sure know it inside out, in the back of you mind.

Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein

(God know's I wouldn't want to be an Angel)
Rammstein Lyrics: Engel

Michael Maier

"The last thing I expected to find was you on the beach front. I've spent ages, literally years walking this earth wondering 'where are you and who are you'"

...your the one who always pops up unwittingly to whisper in my ear that something awaits my final destination, oh is this, is this, have I finally arrived...

"tell me you're for real. Why do you stand with you back to me, I've seen you before, no need to hide. Play, let me listen..."

"No, I don't want to play, this is where I get my peace and quiet, where the world talks back to me, I need to heal too", she says remaining firmly placed on the sand sinking in further. "We rest, the cello, rests, I rest so you see the sea refreshes me."

"Do you want me to go?"
"Just don't come too close, like you I need time off, a person with a gift, a guide to make all of it worthwhile. This is no job for the faint hearted, it's all giving, can you give your whole time without receiving anything in return except for seeing your charges continue to fail. Were not perfect either, that's why I'm here."

I'll just, just sit here and...wait, with you" I said, sheepishly trailing off. Your so happy following around, looking after your charges...why the pain...I wish I could just hold you, make you feel better, it's been too long since our last duet, was it never enough or too much, you haven't lost just need more time...it's very peaceful here...the clouds...the clouds are moving fast, too fast for us, time is washing away like the stones are dragged out to sea, we should go in.
"Yes we should go in, but this is not only the end of the line for you, but for me too, after this I may not have any more charges, you're my last, I've not kept to my good past enough. (Pausing) Come here, just watch and listen. You couldn't begin to imagine the reasons...I'll be a fallen Angel soon, maybe I should just stay here with you."

"We can't go on living in a dream, I'm getting old too."
"Quite, I'm not, well I'm older but I'm the same as when we first met...times past, the clouds we'll keep us company with music from the ocean. Then when I'm clipped I'll play the cello for my own self, look the clouds, they are softening up, it's time, they're going to sleep...I won't be going back".

And with a feigned smile of it'll be alright, they stood and watched.

"They live behind the sunshine
separated from us, infinitely far
they must cling to the stars (very tightly)
so they don't fall from the sky."

"Only once the clouds have gone to sleep can you see us in the sky
we are afraid and alone."

Rammstein Engel - Scala and Kolacny Brothers version

For Writer's Island 2011, No.22.

Smile for me, you are not in the picture.

"NO PHOTOGRAPHY HERE, THANK YOU"

The General Public, Happy, sad, mad, right wing, left wing, extremist. Untidy, OCD, in a mess, depressed and much much more.

Tell me what is it that makes us keep going, once we've seen it, why do we want to go back. We talk of enjoyment, yet no one is happy enough. To be happy you must after all be sad.

I've spent a month door knocking, my job is 'a public nuisance' I get to invade you privacy for what is a fraction of your life for some details to help your future. Yet you shut the door in my face. Where some blunty refuse to acknowledge I'm helping, narrow minded or jarred by the politics of data loss and security.

Whatever happened to helping people, why do some people not care about helping others, whilst some find me, "an inquisitor" the most bogus and horrible person around. I am not a salesman trying to find sell you you lecky, or a Jehovah withness, nor do I attempt to make you hand over money for a charitable fund. All I want is five minutes to ask "how do you live your life?" Is it so hard a question you won't give a stranger a chance.

Tell me how do you make new friends when you don't let strangers into your life, is your security so justifiable that I cannot impregnate the fortress you daren't yeald. Could I offer you a cup of coffee or do you think I've poisoned that and your garden plant a looked at on the way up too?

As for the rest of you, why do you not care at all and casually assume that I am who I say I am. Be thankful I've got clearance and I am who I say I am. I'm not here as my alter ego or my pseudonym. Never the twine meet, be lucky you haven't met any of them, I come as your friend and you turn me away, I am not god, but I expect you to respect me not hurt me.

If you had met anyone else, they might have been less kind, and I don't talk of any alter ego's. I am me all the time, but upset me and you will receive my wrath. Who I am in one place is not the same person in another. Oh, where are we going, have you left me to rot, why have you decided I should be here at all? Quite, when did I sign up to this life, this miserable little place. Everyday I wonder, is the last? Have I finally taken my last step?

Yet whose to thank, thankless parents, friends, unconducive, uncohesive communities, why don't you just shut the door in my face and I'll rot on your doorstep from the inside out. Get through my armour and I'm all yours like cats go for treats. But where were you, and why can't I find my companion, has she gone, is she here, was it you who shut the door in my face?

In one column, people are good, maybe a little OTT, but generally nice to chat too whoever they are and you can get along.
Yet so many people let the side down. You are the thick ones who just won't let me help, you are so closed to the world, that your personal, arrogant thoughts are egotistical and outrageous to the rest of us. Yet you claim to be intelligent, I wonder, what does it mean- intelligent - you and I are from the same stock, so how comes you find my skills distasteful. Why do you walk around prancing a line that is untrue, bending the information to suit your needs, you distrust me and won't help me. Yet you'll happily argue with me. If your so positive in your views, why don't you just get rid of me.

You see it's not me whose weak, it's you, you're the one questioning my job status, I am after all entering your life for just five minutes, taking all the essential details to how you live. You are scared, running, in fear of what I might see or remember. I don't make judgements on anything, I accept you for you...and you...you write me off with just a glance, you don't care to help me help you.

And then you complain that the world is unjust and doesn't help you or your community. Yet the help is staring you right in your face. I enable the details to make it better, all you have to do is give them to me. Are you so bigoted, you want things fixed by me but you won't give me the information I require to do the job?

I should just lie down in the dark and shoot myself because I'm never going to win. Just get off your high horse and get involved, instead of yelling at your TV about all the problems, come fix them, don't be a social nitwit. Get in with it.

Smile for me, you are not in the picture. You are just one of many people, a snap shot of life, helping the future, past is past its unreliable and the future is too without your help, let me in, for you may never get the chance again. Life's too short, is five minutes so hard.

Are we all just the same?

Where's Wally The Guardian Newspaper 1/06/2010

Enlightenment

...I think that's the right word.

Humanity actually exists out there.
Doing door step interviews and meeting strangers for five or ten minutes through them, allows a quick free bond without harm. Its good to see that people are actually normal, because, I find so many people unnormal in day to day life, I wonder how anything works. So it's quite nice to beable to breathe a sigh of relief that, the world goes round, and we can all have a laugh and a joke about absolutely nothing. (Even if in the small print there are a few people who do not perform to this normality were all different) the rest of us can go on with encouragement that their isn't anyone to fear from talking to.

I thought this would encourage you all to believe the next step is worth living for, the amount of times I've seen Relate in its many formats from behind the scenes, knowing friends who work in the sector, to being involved, that support can work wonders. So here is a little taste to help put life in perspective:Wonderland.