Two Names, one person, my other life.

I was wandering the net as you do, and found out I could look up where my surname comes from, it's eerliy close to my real life but its not me.

To begin with I was not born in 1966 or in Derby but here goes:

Thomas was born in Derby in 1966. He moved to Huddersfield in 1992. Achieved a 2:1 in Business and Management at Canterbury Christ Church University.

Not my course but my old uni.

Thomas' mum Margaret seperated from his dad Felipe back in 1986. ... has two brothers Victor and Lyle and a sister Pat. ... auntie Marcella was a professional snooker player .

No one called Margaret in my family knowingly, I wasn't born until after 1986, I have one brother none of those names, and nobody plays snooker.

Thomas works for WH Smiths as a advertising advisor. There is little Thomas who likes more than fishing. Thomas married his wife Violet in 1997. Thomas' favourite film is The jazz singer, favourite song is Inner smile Thomas has always wanted to travel to Malta.

I don't work for Smiths, I'm not marrried and don't have kids or anyone that close, I enjoy Jazz but haven't seen The Jazz Singer, nor do I know the Inner Smile.

I have been to Malta and a close friend came from Malta.

This was all under my offical name. I do not use my passport name to it's full extent, I don't like them. I keep myself short and tidy and to the point, my other names were not found on the webpage.

For further details about yourself that's probably not yourself but getting close to ancestory, go to Research my Name

In the words of the Two Ronnies:

"So it's a good night from me,
and it's a good night from him,
Good night."

You wouldn't want to miss a moment

It's been a while since I was last in, I've been meaning to write for ages about different stuff, here I've finally found a cause.

Earlier this week I was listening in to my usual late night radio of Something Understood, whilst the articles may go beyond my comprehension late at night, the music is somewhat relaxing normally. Not sure however of this weeks Brian Eno Ambient 4 On Land.

I've been working hard, harder than ever to bring a project into line and on time the last few months.I've moved to a Kent Town, all too well known for it's old spring, beautiful walks and commons, and well you couldn't leave except for the high rate of busy bussle that gets me down every single day with the persistent we must rush here there and everywhere.



Tonight however, was different, the mist was coming in or the cloud was coming down, it was warm and a little muggy. Dusk was setting in when I got off the train. I met the thick wet air. Clingy and pushy air. The street lights eerily just coming on and the cars too far away turning the corner up ahead of the path leading between the park field and the housing. Looking over the old metal fencing, painted all of a few years ago, the sheep grazing.

I knew tonight was different, I was free, I understood, had enlightenment of my project and had seen the reason to continue on without really seeing the tigers in the pit or my sudden death from workaholism, which I'm not allowed to do, but forced into.

Gradually, making my way home from the train station I'm casting back on things I once knew, looking at the train stations on the way home as we pass through each one, imagining how life has changed over the last hundred years from people on push bikes with top hats, and newspaper delivery boys to tonights vending machines with metal chairs. Nothings changed, everythings changed.

Hence, casting back to a time a stood at Stoke station in the creeky late night, I'm visualising life as it was. The old bobby on the beat converted into Transport Enforcement Officers and the like who sit on the trains once in a while. No longer with whistle and coat, flurescent jackets and a casual smile.

Up the path, between the sheep and the road ahead, no one around, just me, to wander and wonder at the changes, the wet plants waiting for another day of sunshine or a cosy form of rain.

They say the towns best when it's wet and I don't think their wrong. It's got a whole other life to it, the different sounds and smells, the light, glstening off the pavement.

The pictures never come out how I want them to in this weather, it's nigh on foggy the mist is set in so hard, you can't hear too far ahead. But you can hear your feet and see the jogger, with her pale blue trousers coming over the road, ready to bounce past you, without a blink of an eye their gone.

It's the experience I think, the experience of being able to look back, sentimental I guess. I've been very sentimental, one of my close friends has gotten married recently and two more on the way. Life is changing, were growing older, and really we are just trying to remain like ourselves from fives years ago, university the time of our lives.

Walking up on to the main road, the faint traffic sound, the odd car, the announcement that your not alone but certainly out of the way. It's getting late. Somewhere, people are curled up at home, but you're out and about. Down the winding road, a flash back to driving in the worst christmas eve snow in a generation - Manchester to London - leaving at the crack of dawn - literally 6am - taking it easy and learning the route again with new conditions.

It's an experience you see. I might go on about fieldwork and enjoying it, I do, but it may not be just about the fieldwork itself, it's the going out to do something, that's why I like walking, it's why being on top of Moorland collecting weather data and standing on an old glacial till is one thing but viewing the surroundings and understanding them is so different. (Never forgetting the extreme Remembrance Day cold of Dungeness, sitting and counting beach pebbles - an eternity at the time but my, what a memory now). Just to peruse, just like seeing the sheep on the footpath is an experience. Meanwhile you're there to take back the aesthetic visual, feeling, hearing, there all influencing.

That's why I had the courage to randomly read the newspaper left behind on the train and I found an advert for walking in the Lakes 4 Lakes 3 days, that's quite a mission. I might do it. I know of one I want to visit, all on my own, because it's reputable for always being misty, damp and slightly out of kilter, a lack of tourists, makes you suddend feel like your in the wilderness, and for once I felt that coming home tonight again. I've found a point of enjoyable randomness where I don't know what's coming but it's happening. The imagination has to do the rest, otherwise it's all too much to cope with.

The disappearing red lights of a small car into the mist, so distant you can't hear it, but you know that when they've gone you've got this huge road to yourself, its not late anybody could be around, but I've been given this experience and no one else could have had it. Maybe it's the dusky light, maybe it's the damp warmth with the cold to touch plants, maybe it's the fact that it's the Kent weather in general. Who know's I want more, I always like the inbetween times, not day or night, not hot or cold, not dry or wet. It doesn't happen much, but when it does it's a winner.

Quiet Night - Anna Ternheim
To Be Gone - Anna Ternheim

Tick Tick Tick

So well timed are these things. The dam bugs are everywhere.
Tick Tick, the clock goes,
gradually taking life step by step in a methodical ritual. Time passing constantly, the past increasingly long, the future, increasingly, short.

The clicking sound of time marching on so I've heard. Who said that "time marches on"?
It's sucked out of you gradually, the need to find a reason. When you...well.

Somewhere between the blood sucking and the time ticking, the need to find a reason to season the measly, becuase all I find is the life being sucked out day by day.

"The moon is down, I have not heard the clock" Fleance in Macbeth, Shakespeare. Act 2 Scene 1.

Just because

Just because we can look up and out,
we think we can look back and not hurt.

Just because we are here now,
doesn't mean we haven't caused the damage.

Just because you want to be free,
you can't mean you want to be alone.

Just because we have come this far,
the trail's lit up for you to go back.

Just because I said I'd go,
didn't mean you had to go.

Just because you thought you'd dare,
I didn't know I was playing.

Just because we are here,
doesn't mean it's too late,
we are here.

Just because...just because.

Ever feel you're being stared at

Having a bad moment?
Yeah so am I, sometimes it is easier to not write.
Hence lack of writing, something says exhaustion is to blame.

So much has happened in the last two-three weeks but I cannot for the life of me work out what has happened or how to unravel it all.

Is this a bad sign or what!

In the meantime a friend showed me this funny clip of the Voca People from planet Voca 'from somewhere behind the sun'. Also something else light hearted for the mind when understrain, I saw this on the Cinema which was even more powerful in that cinematic way: Cats with Opposing Thumbs.

Is it the heat, the rain or just the lack of sleep. I'm gone mad, totally mad.

We're travelling too fast, I need to slow down and yet I know I have to work harder, longer and faster or I may lose everything.

"Gee's how did you get there so quick!"

"What what, I'd like my breakfast too".

You see, friend for life.

The Unknown Factor of Life and ...

Do you hear the Ringing?

Cartoon Stock

A sure sign of Tinitus self misdiagnosis, but then its double entendre has to be time is nearing the end.
Going back to a an article about an Angel in the sky...I've begun to hear the music playing. Someone else has taken the Conductor's Wand and with a more powerful voice begun writing new music inside my head.

I suspect the concoction of pain killers and hayfever tablets with the weather changes has something to do with this. If it isn't it's more likely to do with the fact I found out about the Voca People from the Planet Voca, my that's an extra-ordinary musical performance from a highly original 'band'.

The question is do you hear the ringing? Well, connected with the Angels yet another addition I have found of Angels. And to the story too, the losing of ones soul:

Mist (Nebel) Orchestrations.

When in time we are ready to leave, the plug is pulled. Everyday, the wheels turn, the motors squeezed a little further, someone old and new comes past and yet no one wants to stop by.

I fear I have lost me

"Somewhere out there the real me exists, but this pretence I currently hold, is just an exaggeration of one scope. My softer suttleties are bruised and whatever I do are not repairing, everytime one step forwards, two steps back. I could be shouting from the skies and still be drowned out."

I smell the Division Bell coming, I see the awkward faces, I hear the unsaid thoughts. I am no longer meant to be, the struggle, the downfall, the end is here. Three months tops, it turns out no one is willing to provide a genuine warmth, all I see is cold breaths and murky scars even the genuine ones of olde have abandoned.* It's time to sail this ship one last time.

Foreclosure does not exist in humanity only as a commodity, I am not a commodity and therefore the end.

Why is all I have left to ask, why do I have to abandon ship.

The Tree of Life

*When accidental contact of people you knew from another life time occurs what is the appropriate thing to do? It turns out on this occasion, all that's happened is a direct line of interrogation. Once accompllished, you are forgotten. The aim: to prove they're better than you and throw you back in the heap and this from a lady of the church.

Contingencies

Chile

Contingent according to the wonders of online dictionaries has an adjective directly to the weather. As in Our Plans are contingent on the weather. It also holds characterisitcs to liable, chance and accidental.

Within the world of business, contingencies are made incase something goes wrong, it is said to be the step undertaken before you go into crisis management. What wonderful phrases businesses come up with. More nonsense when in actual fact what it comes down to is planning, yes in plain old english, this is planning and organisation.

Contingent by Right

I have noticed that the weather has been a little off beat for 2011 and so lots of contingencies have been happening.

From March Winds in May to April Showers in June this weather holds a grip over something we cannot escape.

The crops lack growth, so much for now...what about the winter?
The rivers are flowing, yet the ground is bone dry in places.
There's vegetables with a poison floating around Europe.
Yet no one's contigency has yet found the source.
In fact contingency went to crisis planning.

Farmer's have had it rough, gardens are borderline, recording code blue.
The contingent, the plan is not to stand and scream, but get on with it.
Those who talk cannot do it, those who can deal with it, get on with it.
When we want to plan our days and it is wet, we put on a water proof and carry on.

Whilst we may complain about the rain, the places we go to take on a whole new attitude and life of there own. Every little hint of conversation and weather, plays a part in how we feel that day. That's why I must go out and have some fun whilst it is wet. Or the photos will never produce, the jobs will never be done and then you might ask, after all that sunshine, are we just going to sit inside and look out the window waiting for the break in the cloud? No, there's more to be done than sit and wait with these intermittent showers.

Crisis -> Contingent-> Planning-> Organisation-> Time Management->

Happy Completed Tasks.

For Writer's Island #23: Contingent