I don't have what it takes. To find a solution, to breathe fresh life into these pages and find a meaning to any of it. That's why no title exists. In the search and conquest to understand, all I find is that even more makes less sense.
I don't write this stuff for me or you, I just write because I need to escape and place my thought bubbles in one location. If I didn't I would go completely mad. The essence of all is to just run and hide. The three F's Fear, Fright and Flight... Fear of never getting there, frightened of doing what needs to be done and flying just to escape and find my own comfort zone.
I don't like being here or being there. I don't actually like being anywhere. All I want to do is hide and carry on like nothing ever changed. But time moves on and the world turns on its axis. I have very little left so what's it to you I should ask.
Are you me, are you you? Should I sit down, stand up or make hay? Do you want tea, coffee, juice or just plain dam water? Would you like to sit and cry? Or laugh a little? Because your confusing me more and more. Tell me what do you want? I'm not Jekyll or Hyde, I'm not Bonnie and Clyde either. But you got to say something to me or else this is game end.
I don't have what it takes, sucking energy out, who comes to replace it? Who should I ask to come and be my undoing? Who should witness my last stand, my last burning amount of energy? Don't look at me, look at the vicar, tell me what is it he said...huh? Did you tell me what he said or did you tell me what you want me to hear? Look at me when I'm talking...
...its hard down here, its harder up there. 5.5bn years I never knew about this world, I dreamed of a previous existence as an elephant. Do you think god will take me or will this universe forget my existence? The ever expanding universe, when will we know whose out there. Maybe we are all already living in the pits of hell. Who knows, maybe you already fear me because I am ready to take you and break you, welcome to my home, my insatiable need for an escape. Pull the rope and let me drop.
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Labels: Mental Health.