Wednesday, 5 August 2009


It's a small world in the end. ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) have to be fought at every possible moment. Not by fighting with them or by trying to forget them but by excepting they exist, and thereby saying the reverse of what the bad ANT is saying in your mind.

I for one frequently have to fight the ANT infestation. With the constant questioning from these small minded people who want to know everything about me. (Even saying that is a bad thing to say- generalising yourself and attempting perfectionism are killers, it cannot be done you see). In this place when I am allowed out of my room, I am followed by a hoard of voices, a hoard of people who batter me with questions time and time again.

  • Was I right,
  • was I wrong,
  • do I think I did the right thing,
  • you know why your here,
  • you shouldn't be allowed to leave,
  • You can't leave.

Slowly I will reveal to you who I am, David Bloothine is my name but none of you know where I have come from yet. In this mental institution which is more of a prison. I have resided in this county for some twenty years. Now, 38, a relatively young man still, I have had to fight my inner feelings all the way. It's something that just happens.

But ANTs can be controlled, by letting them flow over you by working with your inner being to balance your mind you can complete anything you want to. If you think badly of yourself you become like that and the reverse is true too. E.g. I am an idiot. You slowly become an idiot. I am an intelligent person, you can learn and recall information better.

All you have to do is believe in yourself, easier said than done I know. But when you have no choice about what life brings you you must make the most of them. That is why I absolutely hate the detruction of the environment. I am a man of the environment, I have brought back my survival and bushcraft skills. I do my level best to keep my self toned. Even with the guards who like to keep me locked up, I still rehearse day in day out, provide myself a drill to keep myself active and finally I will escape from this place and let everybody know exactly what TIF really are and do.

They can threaten me, I have noticed their little message and even if they come back again, I will be waiting. I will find a way out. And prove once and for all what TIF really are up to.
However, two things stand in my way. Getting the guards on my side. These people who feed me drugs that make me hallucinate and keep me docile so I don't hurt them. Secondly, I need an escape plan and a way of fighting in the wild. It's an urban warfare issue, I can blend in and look like a street beggar or anyone. But if they come hunting me down, I may have to go off the radar. There is only a few ways that I can survive. It can't last. I must escape and tell the world before it's too late. TIF have made a deal, the UK government has been dealt a hand that it must abide by, and keep me locked in my white room.